3/8/2012 3:00:27 AM

February 23 - 29

The Week in Review

February 23: Pewter Southpaw made his comeback this night against BUFFY BOY (a BUFFY B 1997 fighter). That's right, I do more than write commentary. I fight, too. I drew one of those guys who hides behind his gloves for twelve rounds because his manager doesn't care enough to give him a plan. Most of the guys in my gym take this as a personal challenge to try and knock the guy out through his guard. Not me. There's no additional incentive for that, since my rank and rating are not the same. A decision is the same as a KO. So I danced around for the first seven rounds flickig a jab and working up a sweat. Naturally, I won those rounds easily. Then I hid behind my gloves and mirrored what he did. Surprisingly, I won those rounds, too. I was also able to rest, so I felt like I could go twelve more rounds when it was over. Not too impressive, but a win for me and a win for the gym.

American Staffordshire Terrior vs. Coroner's Continental Crusader: AST went up agianst a fighter from The Coroner's gym this week. CCC came out firing and took a quick lead. AST didn't seem to let it get to her though. She methodically went about the business of fighting her fight and taking a round here and there. Sometimes she even performed for the fans while Crusader took a break. As the rounds wore on, however, she picked up the pace. In fact, we weren't sure if it was even, or if she was up by a round when it came to the final round. In the end it didn't matter. Apparently, The Coroner told his boy that he needed a knockout for the win and he charged across the ring straight into a right hand from Terrior. That was it.

February 24: Tooloose Mywallet Was very dissapointed with his loss to Oogleberry last week and was determined to make up for it against The Coroner's boxer, My Fists......Your Hearse. It didn't look like Mywallet's comeback will be easy. Both fighters came out doing more grappling than actual boxing and Mywallet found himself behind early. To keep himself from getting too far behind, he would move outside and take advantage of his height while Hearse continued to wrestle. This tactic kept him in the fight and won him a couple of rounds. When My Fists took a break in round six, it left the two fighters dead even on our card. With The Coroner's boy sitting on his stool taking large tugs on his watter bottle between rounds, Tooloose's confidence was building. But the fight was still up for grabs. He went back to working his clinch while ...... took the fight inside, up close and personal. Both fighters were putting everything they had into each shot, hoping to be the first to find the chink in the other's armor. Hearse won round seven and attempted to stay inside while Bronze's guy took a step back and started to work his jab again. The two fighters were back in a dead heat again to start round nine and both fighters closed to the center of the ring again. The crowd was on its collective feet roaring with excitement as these two gladiators duked it out in the center of the ring. 'C-h-i-n-k!!' It happened. Your Hearse was obviously tired as he returned to his corner at the end of the round and Mywallet's performance had given him the lead according to our accounting. Hearse wasn't giving up, though, as both fighters returned to the center of the ring for round ten. It doesn't get any better than this. Again they were toe to toe, but Tooloose was definately the fresher fighter landing the crisper punches and working the clinch. He won that round, too, though, the other man was the busier fighter. Our boy closed to the center of the ring, ready for a repeat of the previous two rounds, but his opponent knew he was beaten. He closed his eyes and raced forward swinging wildly. Then, flop. He was on his back for a seven count. Back up, he charged again. They exchanged some wicked shots and, finally, Hearse went to sleep. The fight left both men blodied. Tooloose needed seventeen stiches to close the gash above his left eye and his opponent needed nearly twice as many to close the one he had.

This was the kind of fight that shortens the careers of both fighters. Will either of these guys be able to return to peak performance? Only time will tell. One thing's for sure. It's what the fans pay the big money for and they got their money's worth that night. This makes two weeks in a row that Tooloose Mywallet has been involved in a war and it doesn't appear to get any easier from here. Oogleberry lost on the same card and it is likely the two will meet again next week for a reprise of their fight last week.

February 25: Fred "Stilts" Cannon had the honor of representing our gym against For Whom the dinner Bell Tolls, one of The Coroner's fighters. We were concerned about this fight and gave Stilts a very concervative fight plan. For the first few rounds we asked him to work the clinch and work the body to get a chance to gauge Tolls's strength and toughness. We figured that we would open things up if this left us behind. We've been training Stilts' cardio and were pretty sure he could produce the added production in the late rounds. As it turned out, The Coroner's fighter had a similar plan. However, he came out standing straight up, which allowed our guy to land more effective punches and take those early rounds. By the end of round four, For Whom was starting to show signs of slowing down, while Cannon had a good sweat going, but was fairly fresh. Some of the rounds were pretty close, but we had Fred winning all four. After round six Tolls was obviously tired and Fred had found his rythm and had taken every round. We told him that at this point it was his fight to lose. As long as he didn't do anything stupid or get caught, he was going to get the win. As the rounds went on, we piled up the points. We had Stilts winning every round going into the final round. Cannon decided to go head hunting in case Tolls launched a despirate attack, but his tactics did not change. We got a knock down and the Decision win. It was just the thing to continue what is looking like a good week.

Tallon vs. Shake n Bake: After being knocked out by Joe Montana last week, Tallon was quite happy to get a shot at another fighter from Top Rank's gym. He was determined not to allow history to repeat itself. Shake came out clinching and working the body hard. Tallon kept his distance and used his jab. Both guys were throwing bombs. At the end of round five both fighters were obviously tired, but Tallon was clearly up having won four rounds to one. We asked Tallon if he needed to take a round off and catch his breath. Just about that time, he wrinced and spit, but missed the bucket and got Bronze in the eye, instead. Bronze said nothing. The abuse continued to pile up for both fighters, but Tallon was getting the best of it. In round nine, Bake took a shot to the jaw that sent him through the ropes and out of the ring. We were sure the fight was over, but somehow he climbed back into the ring at the count of seven and the abuse continued. In round ten, Shake stopped clinching and moved inside. This left him wide open for the fresher Tallon, who landed a devistating uppercut that landed Top Rank's fighter on his face to end the fight. Tallon had avenged his loss and become the first fighter from the Bronze Southpaw gym to get a win against a Top Rank fighter since our return.

Basasrorytaugh vs. Dr. QUACK: Basasrorytaugh's comeback has been less than stellar. In fact, it's been downright dissapointing. We hoped that his luck would change this week against Dr. QUACK, but fighters from Angee's gym are always tricky. Again, we used a conservative plan and it seemed to be working. For the first four rounds, QUACK worked his way inside while Death by Red Axe (that's what his name means) stayed outside and scored points with his jab. The in round five, Dr. charged across the ring with a bone- crushing hook followed up with an uppercut that left our guy flat on his face again.

February 27: Bronze Southpaw definately didn't want a rematch with Freddy Adu just one week after his loss, but nonetheless, he was looking forward to it. He talked about nothing more that getting even with this guy from Top Rank's gym. He studied the film from the fight and looked at Freddy's previous fights until he was sure that he had his opponent figured out. Then he went to work training hard for the fight. In the end, it didn't matter, Freddy had looked at the film, too, and he changed some things in his plan. He had Bronze confused by round seven. At that point, he decided he was going to do whatever it took to go into the final round with the lead. It wasn't to be, however, as Adu took the all-decisive eleventh round going up by one. Bronze went all out in the last round hoping for a surprise knockout or at least a knock down. The opportunity was there. It seems Adu had the fight much closer, throwing more than 70 punches. Stumpy remarked that he looked like Goober to which Junior agreed. Unfortunately, he didn't end up on the mat like Goober. Bronze lost his second in a row.

Bronze Southpaw Jr. vs. scarecrow shorter: We're still trying to figure out what we said to anger scarecrow. Is Angee feeling picked on after seeing so many of his boys taking naps? We still don't know and, surprisingly, they aren't talking. shorter went all out for the first two rounds and then moved inside, clearly wanting to wear down the young Southpaw. Junior didn't allow himself to get drawn into a brawl, however and continued to work from outside - easily taking round after round. In round ten, scarecrow decided to attempt to corner Junior. That was very inefectual. It just left him open to everything that was thrown in his direction. shorter was desperate for round twelve having not only lost every round, but having had a point deducted for a low blow in round eight. He went all out again and the results were the same. Bronze Jr. won his third in a row.

Harvey Fierstein vs. Richard "Doctor" Kimble: this week it was Harvey who drew poor Richard Kimble. With Demise on a vacation or something, there's noone to give the good Doctor any advice. Being left on his own is proving very hazardous to his health. Doctor tries clinching with Harvey and finds himself on the mat once in each of the first four rounds and twice in rounds five and six. Luckily for him, he couldn't make it to round seven.

Paul "Stumpy" Buniuns vs. Sam Slate: Angee's boy Sam probably didn't count on winning tonight, but he come to try. He cam out standing straight up in round one, much to our surprise. After round one, he did as expected and move outside and tried to use his jab to stay out of Stumpy's clinch. Paul also managed to land at least one good shot to slate's nads in each of the first three rounds without the ref having a clue. Where's Chris? Stumpy has something for him, too. We didn't want to get too far behind on points and have to go for the KO, so our guy picked up his punch count easily winning rounds four and five. Round six sees Slate trying to cut off the ring. Someone should have told him that Stumpy doesn't like to feel cornered. Sam backed off after the headbutt. After finally being warned, Stumpy decided it was time to stop having fun and finish the fight. He opens up round seven with a barage of punches only to see his opponent run and hide. We worked over Slate pretty good in round eight as well. By this time, we felt it was dead even and Sam was ready to go. They split rounds nine and ten as Slate continued to cut off the ring and corner the younger fighter. Again Slate forces our boy into the corner in an effort to work him over. Stumpy is good in the clinch, however, and Slate is unable to do significant damage. Finally, the last round and our boy is down by one; his opponent is tired and the opportunity is his for the taking. Paul switches his tactics and takes the fight inside. His opponent is still trying to cut off the ring. This has the effect of having both of them standing toe to toe in the center of the ring and chaos ensues. Slate goes down due to a huge uppercut. Stumpy is caught by a haymaker and he goes down. He rises to his feet and the two exchange devistating blows. Then Buniuns fires a right cross that puts his opponent down for good.

February 28, 2012 Steve Erkle had assured us that he was ready for his match up with one of Angee gym’s AL LEE clones and judging from his workouts this week, we believed him. He really looked sharp and ready to get back from his current slump. The fight opened with Erkle circling while AL attempted to cut him off. We expected this from the old timer, so it was no surprise. They both stayed buisy but Erkle was more accurate taking the first round. This was how we expected the fight to go and Steve was prepared. He picked up a minor cut and some swelling over his right eye during the second round, but it didn’t seem to bother him as he won that round, too. But it was clearly bothering him in round three as he wasn’t able to slip LEE’s shots as effectively in that round. Bronze was confident that we won that round, but I wasn’t so sure. Then LEE changed tactics. Instead of trying to corner us, he was trying to work his way inside and lower his production in favor of harder punches. We won that round and the next two easily, but Steve was starting to show the effects of AL’s change in tactics. Bronze and I differed on the score, but it was starting to look like it wouldn’t matter as Steve built on his lead. Then Erkle lost the seventh round – even Bronze agreed about that. This fight had just become a war, and our boy was really showing its effects. Meanwhile LEE was still looking fairly fresh. Our boy lost round eight decisively and was clearly getting tired. AL had Steve ripe for harvest, but he didn’t seem to notice. He changed tactics again, choosing to up his punch-count dramaticly and cover up every time Erkle came close. The fresher man won round nine easily. Remember my argument with Bronze? Going into round ten, Steve’s right eye was closed, he was clearly tired and I had him winning by only one point. Bronze, however, felt we had a three point lead and that we might be able to squeek out the win if we just managed to win one of the last three rounds. AL took the fight back inside. There wasn’t much Steve could do about it. To make matters worse, this was the round Bronze wanted him to win. According to him, our guy wasn’t going to get any fresher. It didn’t work. We landed only 14 of 60 punches, and AL LEE won the round easily. Bronze, still hoping to win a round, told Steve to throw everything even though his ass was dragging. There must have been some confusion about the scoring in AL’s corner as well, because he got on his bicycle and spent round eleven running backwards throwing punches. I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants. Steve was blind, trying to chase AL and throwing a lot of punches at air and in the mean time, AL was running backwards tapping him with light jabs all over the place. Bronze tried to keep it together, but he had a full-on belly laugh going on, too. The crowd thaught they were watching an old Three Stuges rerun. AL LEE has always been a little weird and has fit in nicely in the Angee gym because of their bizar style of coaching, but this was pure commody. AL won the round though. According to my card, that put us down one. According to Bronze we were up one. The dispute was going to matter. Barring a lightning strik on AL LEE or a surprise forfeit by Angee we were going to lose or tie. Once more, Erkle was swining wild trying to find his target and this time, AL was looking for a place to hide and covering up. He threw only eight punches and landed seven of them. Steve Erkle threw sixty, landing nine. We actually won the last round. Bronze leaped over the top rope and ran over to congratulate Steve, but our fighter colapsed in the center of the ring and it was 20 minutes before we could revive him for the announcement. Judge Guimond was apparently the only judge wearing glasses that night and scored it as I saw it – A draw. Judge Leinbach scored it 114 – 112 for AL LEE and Larry Holmes saw the same fight Judge Bronze saw. It goes into the books as a Draw, but Bronze and I are still arguing. Please watch the fight yourselves, go to the FORUM and tell us how you scored it.

Conan “The Iranian” vs. John T. Scopes: This was the second match for young Conan. He is right, he does have a cool name, but he really needs to learn how to deal with the press. In his first press release, he alianated most of the members in his gym by implying that they were second rate and that his success in the fight business would be due to the coolness of his name and not his management and fellow fighters. Well, he got his chance to prove himself against the little powerhouse, Scopes, a promising fighter from Top Rank’s gym. The Iranian danced while John T. grabbed his opponent whenever he got the chance and pounded on his body. This was pretty much the same tactics one might expect the two of them to use. Conan easily won the first two rounds and took the thid off, working Scopes’s midsection. He won the fourth round with an increased punch- count, but was starting to fade. Again, he went to the clinch, working the body hard. Unfortunately, he was weakened too much by fatigue and didn’t produce much damage on the fresher Scopes. John was picking up th tempo, now, and The Iranian was slowing down. It didn’t look good for the cocky young Iranian. With Scopes’ increased production, he was able to continue working the body and win round six. That was three rounds each. Scopes had the fight won at this point as The Iranian was exhausted. Scopes continued the slaughter easily winning rounds seven and eight. Behind by three going into round nine, the nearly crippled Iranian upped his punch count. Things went from bad to worse as the damage accumulated. Finally, near the end of the round, Conan was begging for mercy and John T. Scopes won by TKO. This was more than Bronze could handle after the big press fiasco and Conan “The Iranian” was put on suspension.

February 29: Erkinwhine drew a match with Firelady; one of Big Boy, Inc.'s fighters. Since Big Boy, Inc. has been absent for a while, all we had to do is look at Firelady's last few matches to figure out what he was going to do and train Erk to look out for it. Because Firelady is in wear 'em down and knock 'em out mode, we asked Erk to do just enough to get a good lead early and coast to a win against the clinching Firelady. And that's exactly what he did.

Teflon Southpaw vs. Entombed: Teflon told us he was looking forward to this match with the fighter from The coroner's gym. He thought it looked like a good matchup, pitting a tall dancer with a short slugger. Entombed started clinching as would have been expected while Southpaw stayed outside and used his jab as much as he could. Teflon noted early on that this guy was hitting harder than his sparring partner did. Round two went much like round one had and Teflon was up by two. Looking to change things up, Entombed moved inside and started to bank away, but Teflon managed to win round three as well. This fight was definately shaping up to be the tipical slapper/slugger match up. Entombed went back to the clinch for round four and surprisingly increased his production, winning round four, but only managing to tie round five. Unphased, Teflon stuck to our plan as Entombed went back to banging the body for round six. Entombed threw an incredible seventy-five punches to win the seventh round. The fight was getting close and We didn't count on this from the slugger. He had yet to really damabe Teflon, though, and we seemed to have the fresher fighter. Entombed went back inside for rounds eight and nine, banging away. Surprisingly, Southpaw weathered the attack well, winning both rounds. Entombed was obviously tired and seeming to be despirate. He tried one more round inside without any change in his luck before going all out in round eleven. We had planned on a late round despirate attack and Teflon was ready for him, getting another knock our for the gym and putting a cap on a pretty good week.

In the end, our gym posted a nice record of 10/3/1 (6/2)

That gives us a combined 19/14/2 (11/6) for the month of February.

February 17 - 22

February 16: American Staffordshire Terrior suffers a dissapointing seventh round KO loss to Frank "Enfurter" Esler from the Duke of Dorkdom gym. Things were going according to plan and She seemed poised to coast to another victory ahead by a wide margin on all cards when "Enfurter" unexpectedly went all out in the seventh. We suspect someone leaked our fight plan since she was prepared for the all out in round eight. AST is very ashamed of her defeat as the first fight of the week and in such devistating fashion. She has vowed revenge and has gone on an all hot dog diet in anticipation of a rematch.

February 17: Tooloose Mywallet found his comeback stalled by an unfortunate decision loss to Oogleberry of Top Rank's gym. As expected, Tooloose got off to an early lead, but couldn't manage to get more than a one point edge as Oogleberry kept upping his punch count every other round. Instead of resting in round ten as expected, Oogleberry poured it on and the two fighters were tied going into round eleven. Oogleberry kept swinging away throwing 82 punches in round eleven to take a slim margin into round twelve. Both fighters sucked deeply on their water bottles as they rested between rounds. Oogleberry must not have realized he was leading, because he threw more than eighty punches from his clinch. The opportunity was there for Tooloose, who was going for the knock out with the twelfth round all out. It was not to be, however, as he was unable to break free of Oogleberry's clinch and land an effective shot.