Public Fight Report

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(Heavyweight) Stay Puft Marshmallow Man defeated Christopher Hitchens by unanimous decision: 120-108, 120-108, 120-108.

Match Monday, September 01, 2014

In this corner, standing 9 feet and 3 inches (282 centimeters) tall weighing in at 999 pounds (453 kilograms) is Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!!

In this corner, standing 5 feet and 8 inches (173 centimeters) tall weighing in at 263 pounds (119 kilograms) is Christopher Hitchens!!

The referee for this bout will be Mills Lane.

ROUND 1

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

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-Hitchens probes with a barrage of shots to the ribs, but flails uselessly.
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+Hitchens throws a barrage of stiff shots to the eye.
-Hitchens lashes out with a right jab to the head, but Stay quickly backs away.
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-Hitchens fires a pair of shots to the temple, but he's too slow.
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+Hitchens tags Stay with a barrage of vicious blows to the ribs.
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-Hitchens lunges with a barrage of left blows to the eye, but Stay ducks.
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-Hitchens probes with a jab to the jaw, but fails to score.
+Stay tags Hitchens with a volley of shots to the stomach. Hitchens backpedals to his own corner.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 10 of 32 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 10-9


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens doesn't even want to rest! He has swelling above the right eye.



ROUND 2

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

-Hitchens throws a roundhouse to the ribs, but Stay narrowly avoids it
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-Hitchens attempts a sweeping right to the jaw, but fails to score.
-Hitchens attacks with a left to the jaw, but loses his balance.
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+Stay hits with a series of nasty blows to the eye.
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-Hitchens throws a left straight right to the eye, but Stay quickly backs away.
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-Hitchens throws a pair of left punches to the mouth, but Stay escapes.
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+Hitchens stuns Stay with a volley of quick punches to the jaw. Stay is hurt!
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 6 of 30 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 20-18


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens doesn't even want to rest! He has swelling above the right eye.



ROUND 3

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

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-Hitchens attempts a flurry of left shots to the temple, but taps his opponent ineffectively.
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-Hitchens attempts a pair of left punches to the chest, but Stay deftly avoits it.
+Stay clocks Hitchens with a barrage of punches to the solar plexus!!
-Hitchens probes with a series of shots to the temple, but to no avail.
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-Hitchens fires a series of punches to the temple, but Stay ducks just in time.
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+Hitchens throws a series of wild blows to the nose.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 6 of 32 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 30-27


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens remains standing while the trainer wipes him down. He has swelling above the right eye.



ROUND 4

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

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-Hitchens tries a barrage of blows to the eye, but only hits air.
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+Stay lands a pair of light punches to the head.
-Hitchens tries a flurry of punches to the face, but Stay backs out of it.
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-Hitchens lashes out with a series of left blows to the mouth, but to no avail.
-Hitchens charges with a barrage of shots to the face, but loses his balance.
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+Hitchens hits with a volley of mean shots to the face.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 6 of 32 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 40-36


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens grabs a water bottle and rests on his stool. He has swelling above the right eye.



ROUND 5

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

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-Hitchens lunges with a series of blows to the head, but Stay backs out of it.
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-Hitchens throws a flurry of shots to the eye, but to no avail.
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-Hitchens paws a series of right punches to the face, but Stay deftly avoits it.
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+Hitchens wallops Stay with a barrage of solid shots to the temple.
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+Stay solidly lands a hard jab to the mouth. Hitchens covers up.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 7 of 8 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 5 of 30 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 50-45


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens grabs a water bottle and rests on his stool. He has swelling above the right eye.



ROUND 6

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

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-Hitchens fires a series of punches to the face, but misses completely.
-Hitchens probes with a pair of right shots to the chin, but to no avail.
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-Hitchens charges with a left right to the nose, but misses.
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-Hitchens fires a barrage of blows to the mouth, but misses.
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+Stay punches Hitchens with a pair of punches to the stomach. Hitchens is hurt!
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+Hitchens hits Stay with a pair of commanding shots to the face.
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-Hitchens charges with a pair of right shots to the head, but Stay steps aside and laughs.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 7 of 7 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 5 of 33 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 60-54


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens is obviously tired. He has swelling above the right eye.



ROUND 7

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

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-Hitchens tries a series of right blows to the head, but Stay blocks.
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-Hitchens fires a series of shots to the chin, but misses completely.
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-Hitchens probes with a right jab to the face, but Stay stays away from it.
-Hitchens probes with a flurry of left punches to the face, but to no avail.
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-Hitchens tries a flurry of blows to the mouth, but Stay steps aside.
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-Hitchens attempts a series of left shots to the head, but taps his opponent ineffectively.
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-Hitchens attacks with a barrage of right punches to the nose, but loses his balance.
+Stay hits with a series of blows to the ribs.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 7 of 7 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 3 of 35 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 70-63


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens is obviously tired. He has cut above the right eye. He has swelling above the right eye.



ROUND 8

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

-Hitchens lashes out with a barrage of punches to the stomach, but Stay ducks just in time.
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-Hitchens attacks with a flurry of blows to the temple, but is ineffective.
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+Stay throws a flurry of nasty punches to the face.
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-Hitchens tries to land a straight right to the head, but taps his opponent ineffectively.
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-Hitchens tries a series of shots to the temple, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
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-Hitchens tries to land a pair of left blows to the face, but Stay ducks just in time.
-Hitchens fires a left jab to the stomach, but fails to score.
-Hitchens tries a series of blows to the nose, but Stay stays away from it.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 2 of 34 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 80-72


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens is obviously tired. He has cut above the right eye. He has swelling above the right eye.



ROUND 9

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

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-Hitchens lashes out with a barrage of left blows to the stomach, but comes up empty.
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-Hitchens throws a right jab to the solar plexus, but Stay blocks.
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-Hitchens throws a volley of right punches to the chin, but flails uselessly.
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-Hitchens paws a volley of blows to the chest, but Stay ducks.
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-Hitchens paws a barrage of left punches to the jaw, but Stay backs out of it.
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-Hitchens launches a pair of blows to the eye, but falls short.
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+Stay connects with a series of powerful shots to the jaw. Hitchens doesn't seem bothered.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 7 of 8 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 2 of 31 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 90-81


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens is slowing down. He has cut above the right eye. He has swelling above the right eye.



ROUND 10

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

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-Hitchens attacks with a pair of right punches to the temple, but he's too slow.
-Hitchens lunges with a flurry of right shots to the chin, but flails uselessly.
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-Hitchens charges with a series of left shots to the nose, but misses.
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-Hitchens lashes out with a volley of right shots to the ribs, but Stay leaps aside.
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+Stay tattoos Hitchens with a volley of punches to the jaw.
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-Hitchens lashes out with a series of blows to the mouth, but Stay deftly avoits it.
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-Hitchens charges with a pair of right punches to the chest, but is ineffective.
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+Stay suprises Hitchens with a barrage of punches to the temple. Hitchens retreats to the far corner.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 7 of 7 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 1 of 34 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 100-90


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens is slowing down. He has cut above the right eye. He has the right eye swollen shut. He has a bloody lip.



ROUND 11

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

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-Hitchens charges with a volley of right blows to the stomach, but Stay leaps aside.
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-Hitchens fires a series of right blows to the mouth, but misses.
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-Hitchens paws a series of blows to the chest, but Stay escapes.
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-Hitchens lunges with a flurry of left blows to the head, but comes up empty.
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-Hitchens tries a barrage of right blows to the stomach, but Stay beats a hasty retreat.
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-Hitchens paws a series of right blows to the mouth, but Stay steps aside and laughs.
-Hitchens throws a pair of right shots to the face, but taps his opponent ineffectively.
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+Stay hits with a barrage of nasty blows to the head.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 1 of 33 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 110-99


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens is slowing down. He has cut above the right eye. He has the right eye swollen shut. He has a bloody lip.



ROUND 12

Stay covers up.
Hitchens comes out fighting.

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-Hitchens launches a volley of left blows to the temple, but misses completely.
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-Hitchens paws a left right to the chest, but comes up empty.
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+Stay lands a flurry of blows to the nose.
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-Hitchens probes with a volley of blows to the eye, but only hits air.
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-Hitchens throws a series of punches to the stomach, but comes up empty.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches, and Christopher Hitchens landed 1 of 33 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 120-108


Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

Hitchens looks exhausted. He has gash above the right eye. He has minor cut below the left eye. He has the right eye swollen shut. He has swelling above the left eye. He has a broken tooth.




The judges decisions are:


Judge Guimond scores the fight as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 11: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 12: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9

Total Score: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 120-108


Judge Leinbach scores the fight as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 11: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 12: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9

Total Score: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 120-108


Oscar De La Hoya scores the fight as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 11: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 12: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9

Total Score: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 120-108

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man wins by decision!


          

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