Public Fight Report

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(Heavyweight) Stay Puft Marshmallow Man defeated Christopher Hitchens by unanimous decision: 120-108, 120-108, 120-108.

Match Friday, August 29, 2014

In this corner, standing 5 feet and 8 inches (173 centimeters) tall weighing in at 261 pounds (118 kilograms) is Christopher Hitchens!!

In this corner, standing 9 feet and 3 inches (282 centimeters) tall weighing in at 999 pounds (453 kilograms) is Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!!

The referee for this bout will be Mills Lane.

ROUND 1

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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+Stay smashes Hitchens with a barrage of shots to the chin. Hitchens doesn't seem bothered.
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-Hitchens throws a flurry of blows to the eye, but Stay narrowly avoids it
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-Hitchens fires a series of right shots to the temple, but he's too slow.
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-Hitchens tries a barrage of right punches to the nose, but Stay blocks.
-Hitchens probes with a barrage of right punches to the face, but to no avail.
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+Hitchens smacks Stay with a series of strong shots to the temple.
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-Hitchens probes with a barrage of right blows to the ribs, but falls short.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 9 of 30 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 10-9


Hitchens doesn't even want to rest! He has swelling above the left eye.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 2

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens attempts a sweeping right to the solar plexus, but to no avail.
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+Stay slams Hitchens with a flurry of shots to the head.
-Hitchens probes with a barrage of right punches to the solar plexus, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
-Hitchens fires a series of left punches to the ribs, but falls short.
+Hitchens hits with Stay with a bite to the ear! The referee sees it and issues a warning!
-Hitchens throws a pair of left shots to the chin, but Stay beats a hasty retreat.
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-Hitchens throws a barrage of right punches to the nose, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
-Hitchens charges with a uppercut to the face, but comes up empty.
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+Hitchens jars Stay with a pair of punches to the temple.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 8 of 33 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 20-18


Hitchens doesn't even want to rest! He has swelling above the left eye.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 3

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

-Hitchens fires a barrage of shots to the temple, but Stay leaps aside.
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+Hitchens hammers Stay with a pair of glancing blows to the nose!
+Stay pops Hitchens with a volley of strong shots to the temple.
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-Hitchens attempts a volley of punches to the mouth, but falls short.
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-Hitchens lashes out with a barrage of left blows to the nose, but falls short.
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-Hitchens lunges with a series of blows to the solar plexus, but Stay covers himself well.
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-Hitchens probes with a left sweeping right to the chin, but Stay blocks.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 5 of 30 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 9 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 30-27


Hitchens remains standing while the trainer wipes him down. He has swelling above the left eye.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 4

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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+Stay hits with a barrage of shots to the nose.
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-Hitchens tries a pair of right shots to the chest, but he's too slow.
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-Hitchens probes with a barrage of blows to the temple, but fails to score.
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-Hitchens charges with a barrage of blows to the solar plexus, but Stay quickly backs away.
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-Hitchens lashes out with a pair of punches to the chin, but Stay ducks just in time.
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-Hitchens attempts a flurry of punches to the jaw, but Stay covers himself well.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 5 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 40-36


Hitchens grabs a water bottle and rests on his stool. He has the left eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 5

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens throws a volley of shots to the ribs, but only hits air.
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-Hitchens lashes out with a right to the ribs, but misses.
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-Hitchens tries a barrage of right shots to the solar plexus, but only hits air.
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+Stay catches Hitchens with a flurry of blows to the ribs.
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-Hitchens fires a series of left shots to the chest, but Stay leaps aside.
-Hitchens lashes out with a flurry of right blows to the chest, but falls short.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 2 of 30 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 7 of 7 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 50-45


Hitchens grabs a water bottle and rests on his stool. He has the left eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 6

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

-Hitchens probes with a pair of right blows to the jaw, but flails uselessly.
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-Hitchens probes with a pair of shots to the jaw, but Stay backs out of it.
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-Hitchens throws a flurry of punches to the ribs, but only hits air.
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-Hitchens tries to land a series of left punches to the chin, but falls short.
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-Hitchens lashes out with a flurry of right punches to the solar plexus, but goes wide.
+Stay throws a flurry of shots to the jaw.
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-Hitchens attempts a pair of left shots to the face, but Stay ties him up.
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-Hitchens tries a series of shots to the eye, but Stay steps aside and laughs.

BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 3 of 35 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 60-54


Hitchens is obviously tired. He has the left eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 7

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens paws a flurry of shots to the stomach, but Stay escapes.
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+Stay punches Hitchens with a sweeping right to the eye.
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-Hitchens probes with a sweeping right to the temple, but Stay ducks just in time.
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-Hitchens tries to land a series of left blows to the head, but Stay quickly backs away.
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-Hitchens throws a barrage of punches to the nose, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 3 of 32 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 70-63


Hitchens is obviously tired. He has the left eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 8

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens lashes out with a pair of shots to the face, but he's too slow.
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+Stay rocks Hitchens with a series of hard blows to the mouth. Hitchens sneers "My grandmother can hit harder than that!"
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-Hitchens throws a series of blows to the chin, but only hits air.
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-Hitchens lashes out with a right right to the head, but misses.
-Hitchens fires a flurry of left shots to the solar plexus, but Stay ducks.
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-Hitchens probes with a series of right shots to the nose, but misses completely.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 2 of 33 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 80-72


Hitchens is obviously tired. He has the left eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 9

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens launches a hook to the stomach, but is ineffective.
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-Hitchens fires a flurry of left shots to the mouth, but is ineffective.
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+Stay scores with a barrage of furious blows to the face.
-Hitchens lunges with a pair of right punches to the eye, but fails to score.
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-Hitchens attempts a sweeping right to the mouth, but Stay blocks.
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-Hitchens attempts a series of right blows to the face, but Stay ducks.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 2 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 90-81


Hitchens is slowing down. He has the left eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 10

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens attempts a left to the chin, but Stay stays away from it.
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-Hitchens throws a volley of punches to the mouth, but falls short.
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-Hitchens fires a pair of right punches to the eye, but to no avail.
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-Hitchens paws a flurry of punches to the nose, but Stay narrowly avoids it
+Stay slams Hitchens with a cross to the chin.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 2 of 29 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 100-90


Hitchens is slowing down. He has the left eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 11

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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+Stay throws a barrage of mean blows to the head.
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-Hitchens fires a volley of punches to the solar plexus, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
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-Hitchens attempts a barrage of shots to the eye, but misses completely.
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-Hitchens attempts a flurry of right shots to the chest, but Stay deftly avoits it.
-Hitchens probes with a volley of blows to the chin, but Stay ducks.
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-Hitchens charges with a series of right shots to the stomach, but misses.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 2 of 32 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 110-99


Hitchens is slowing down. He has minor cut below the right eye. He has the left eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 12

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens lashes out with a barrage of left punches to the chin, but Stay backs out of it.
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-Hitchens attempts a flurry of right shots to the head, but only hits air.
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+Stay smacks Hitchens with a volley of mean shots to the head. Hitchens seems wobbly!
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-Hitchens probes with a flurry of blows to the chin, but fails to score.
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-Hitchens attempts a pair of right blows to the jaw, but Stay steps aside.
-Hitchens tries a volley of left punches to the head, but flails uselessly.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 2 of 35 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 120-108


Hitchens is slowing down. He has minor cut below the right eye. He has the left eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!




The judges decisions are:


Judge Guimond scores the fight as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 11: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 12: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9

Total Score: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 120-108


Judge Leinbach scores the fight as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 11: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 12: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9

Total Score: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 120-108


Christy Martin scores the fight as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 11: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 12: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9

Total Score: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 120-108

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man wins by decision!


          

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