Public Fight Report

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(Heavyweight) Stay Puft Marshmallow Man defeated Christopher Hitchens by unanimous decision: 119-109, 119-109, 120-108.

Match Monday, August 25, 2014

In this corner, standing 5 feet and 8 inches (173 centimeters) tall weighing in at 261 pounds (118 kilograms) is Christopher Hitchens!!

In this corner, standing 9 feet and 3 inches (282 centimeters) tall weighing in at 999 pounds (453 kilograms) is Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!!

The referee for this bout will be Jay Nady.

ROUND 1

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens lashes out with a jab to the ribs, but Stay leaps aside.
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+Stay tattoos Hitchens with a volley of punches to the head. Hitchens is hurt!
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+Hitchens hurts Stay with a barrage of blows to the eye.
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-Hitchens attacks with a series of left punches to the chin, but he's too slow.
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-Hitchens lashes out with a left jab to the mouth, but Stay stays away from it.
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-Hitchens lashes out with a right roundhouse to the stomach, but misses.
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-Hitchens lunges with a volley of blows to the chest, but Stay ducks just in time.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 10 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 10-9


Hitchens doesn't even want to rest!

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 2

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens charges with a roundhouse to the face, but Stay steps aside.
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-Hitchens throws a series of right shots to the mouth, but misses.
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+Stay solidly lands a series of commanding shots to the jaw. Hitchens beats a hasty retreat.
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+Hitchens fires a flurry of punches to the temple.
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-Hitchens lunges with a flurry of blows to the nose, but goes wide.
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+Hitchens stuns Stay with a roundhouse to the face.
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-Hitchens attempts a jab to the head, but to no avail.
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-Hitchens attempts a series of punches to the face, but Stay hides behind his gloves.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 9 of 32 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 20-18


Hitchens doesn't even want to rest!

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 3

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens attempts a barrage of punches to the temple, but Stay quickly backs away.
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-Hitchens paws a flurry of shots to the temple, but flails uselessly.
-Hitchens throws a pair of left shots to the nose, but taps his opponent ineffectively.
+Hitchens whacks Stay with a pair of blows to the solar plexus. Stay hangs on until the referee breaks them up.
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-Hitchens paws a series of right punches to the stomach, but falls short.
+Stay annoys Hitchens with a volley of loud blows to the mouth.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 8 of 34 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 30-27


Hitchens remains standing while the trainer wipes him down.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 4

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens lashes out with a flurry of right shots to the nose, but goes wide.
-Hitchens tries a flurry of left blows to the chin, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
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-Hitchens throws a pair of right blows to the temple, but only hits air.
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+Stay solidly lands a barrage of commanding shots to the nose. Hitchens falls against the ropes!
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-Hitchens throws a volley of blows to the ribs, but Stay deftly avoits it.
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-Hitchens throws a series of shots to the ribs, but Stay deftly avoits it.
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+Hitchens hits with a volley of heavy blows to the temple.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 7 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 9 of 9 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 40-36


Hitchens grabs a water bottle and rests on his stool. He has swelling above the right eye.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 5

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens lunges with a series of punches to the head, but is ineffective.
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-Hitchens fires a flurry of shots to the head, but Stay ducks.
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-Hitchens tries to land a pair of punches to the head, but Stay quickly backs away.
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-Hitchens throws a pair of blows to the nose, but Stay deftly avoits it.
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+Stay lands a series of shots to the chin.
-Hitchens lunges with a barrage of blows to the nose, but Stay ducks just in time.
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+Stay nails Hitchens with a barrage of punches to the chest. Hitchens quickly recovers.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 5 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 7 of 7 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 50-45


Hitchens grabs a water bottle and rests on his stool. He has swelling above the right eye.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 6

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens throws a flurry of shots to the eye, but comes up empty.
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-Hitchens attempts a series of left punches to the face, but Stay stays away from it.
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-Hitchens tries to land a volley of shots to the solar plexus, but Stay hides behind his gloves.
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-Hitchens fires a flurry of right blows to the nose, but Stay blocks.
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+Stay slams Hitchens with a pair of painful punches to the ribs.
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-Hitchens lunges with a pair of left punches to the head, but goes wide.
-Hitchens attempts a right left to the temple, but Stay beats a hasty retreat.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 4 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 7 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 60-54


Hitchens is obviously tired. He has the right eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 7

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

-Hitchens throws a series of left shots to the mouth, but taps his opponent ineffectively.
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-Hitchens probes with a flurry of blows to the mouth, but misses.
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-Hitchens throws a volley of right blows to the solar plexus, but fails to score.
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-Hitchens launches a flurry of right blows to the temple, but misses completely.
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-Hitchens probes with a flurry of right blows to the mouth, but misses completely.
+Stay lashes out with a volley of furious blows to the temple.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 3 of 35 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 70-63


Hitchens is obviously tired. He has the right eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 8

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens fires a pair of punches to the head, but Stay ducks just in time.
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-Hitchens paws a right jab to the nose, but Stay ducks just in time.
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-Hitchens charges with a series of blows to the ribs, but Stay stays away from it.
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-Hitchens tries to land a flurry of shots to the ribs, but Stay leaps aside.
-Hitchens lashes out with a flurry of right shots to the nose, but to no avail.
-Hitchens tries to land a roundhouse to the temple, but is ineffective.
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+Stay jars Hitchens with a pair of stinging shots to the ribs!
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 3 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 80-72


Hitchens is slowing down. He has the right eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 9

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens paws a volley of blows to the chin, but falls short.
-Hitchens launches a volley of right punches to the jaw, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
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-Hitchens probes with a series of left punches to the solar plexus, but falls short.
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+Stay shakes Hitchens with a series of quick shots to the jaw.
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-Hitchens paws a cross to the eye, but fails to score.
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-Hitchens launches a flurry of right punches to the stomach, but he's too slow.
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-Hitchens paws a flurry of punches to the face, but he's too slow.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 3 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 90-81


Hitchens is slowing down. He has the right eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 10

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens probes with a volley of blows to the stomach, but Stay hides behind his gloves.
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+Stay backs up Hitchens with a solid jab to the stomach. Hitchens gets mad!
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-Hitchens attempts a left to the chin, but taps his opponent ineffectively.
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-Hitchens throws a barrage of left shots to the temple, but Stay quickly backs away.
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-Hitchens charges with a series of blows to the head, but Stay covers himself well.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 3 of 32 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 100-90


Hitchens is slowing down. He has the right eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 11

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens probes with a series of left blows to the jaw, but Stay ducks.
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-Hitchens launches a barrage of right shots to the jaw, but is ineffective.
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-Hitchens fires a series of blows to the jaw, but falls short.
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-Hitchens charges with a flurry of shots to the head, but taps his opponent ineffectively.
+Stay rocks Hitchens with a flurry of heavy blows to the chin.
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-Hitchens launches a volley of right punches to the head, but Stay hides behind his gloves.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 2 of 32 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 110-99


Hitchens is slowing down. He has the right eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 12

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

-Hitchens probes with a barrage of left punches to the chin, but Stay stays away from it.
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-Hitchens charges with a pair of right blows to the face, but Stay beats a hasty retreat.
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-Hitchens tries a flurry of punches to the temple, but Stay blocks.
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-Hitchens throws a flurry of left shots to the nose, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
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+Stay tattoos Hitchens with a heavy straight right to the chin.
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-Hitchens lunges with a barrage of punches to the jaw, but comes up empty.
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-Hitchens charges with a series of shots to the chin, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 2 of 36 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 9 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 120-108


Hitchens is slowing down. He has the right eye swollen shut.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!




The judges decisions are:


Judge Guimond scores the fight as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Christopher Hitchens 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 11: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 12: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9

Total Score: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 119-109


Judge Leinbach scores the fight as follows:

Round 1: Christopher Hitchens 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 11: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 12: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9

Total Score: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 119-109


Larry Holmes scores the fight as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 11: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 12: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9

Total Score: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 120-108

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man wins by decision!


          

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