Public Fight Report

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(Heavyweight) Stay Puft Marshmallow Man defeated Christopher Hitchens by technical knockout (TKO) in round 11.

Match Saturday, August 23, 2014

In this corner, standing 5 feet and 8 inches (173 centimeters) tall weighing in at 261 pounds (118 kilograms) is Christopher Hitchens!!

In this corner, standing 9 feet and 3 inches (282 centimeters) tall weighing in at 999 pounds (453 kilograms) is Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!!

The referee for this bout will be Richard Steele.

ROUND 1

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens lashes out with a left roundhouse to the head, but Stay quickly backs away.
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-Hitchens throws a volley of blows to the face, but flails uselessly.
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+Hitchens rocks Stay with a pair of nice shots to the head.
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+Stay hammers Hitchens with a series of wild shots to the solar plexus!
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-Hitchens attempts a series of blows to the temple, but Stay steps aside and laughs.
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+Hitchens pops Stay with a hard hook to the temple.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 10 of 35 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 7 of 7 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 10-9


Hitchens doesn't even want to rest!

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 2

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens lashes out with a series of blows to the nose, but misses completely.
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+Hitchens clocks Stay with a pair of nice shots to the nose.
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-Hitchens launches a cross to the nose, but flails uselessly.
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-Hitchens throws a right uppercut to the eye, but misses completely.
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-Hitchens probes with a series of right punches to the temple, but he's too slow.
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+Stay attacks with a volley of stinging shots to the chin.
-Hitchens probes with a volley of left blows to the ribs, but Stay deftly avoits it.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 9 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 20-18


Hitchens doesn't even want to rest!

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 3

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens throws a flurry of right shots to the chest, but flails uselessly.
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+Hitchens tattoos Stay with a furious straight right to the chin.
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+Stay pops Hitchens with a volley of blows to the stomach.
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-Hitchens probes with a right uppercut to the temple, but Stay stays away from it.
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-Hitchens probes with a series of punches to the eye, but Stay deftly avoits it.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 9 of 34 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 30-27


Hitchens remains standing while the trainer wipes him down. He has swelling above the left eye. He has a fractured nose.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 4

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens lunges with a volley of punches to the eye, but Stay stays away from it.
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+Stay fires a volley of shots to the jaw.
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-Hitchens throws a pair of right punches to the chest, but loses his balance.
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+Hitchens pounds Stay with a jab to the chest.
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-Hitchens throws a flurry of right punches to the nose, but falls short.
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-Hitchens tries to land a sweeping right to the eye, but Stay hides behind his gloves.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 7 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 40-36


Hitchens grabs a water bottle and rests on his stool. He has minor cut below the left eye. He has swelling above the left eye. He has a fractured nose.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 5

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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+Hitchens pops Stay with a flurry of punches to the stomach.
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-Hitchens lunges with a flurry of punches to the mouth, but Stay quickly backs away.
-Hitchens attempts a series of blows to the solar plexus, but Stay covers himself well.
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-Hitchens tries to land a barrage of left shots to the jaw, but to no avail.
-Hitchens charges with a barrage of punches to the mouth, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
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+Stay connects with a barrage of shots to the eye.
-Hitchens tries to land a right roundhouse to the stomach, but Stay escapes.
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-Hitchens fires a left sweeping right to the face, but fails to score.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 6 of 32 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 7 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 50-45


Hitchens is obviously tired. He has cut above the left eye. He has minor cut below the left eye. He has swelling above the right eye. He has swelling above the left eye. He has a fractured nose.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 6

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

-Hitchens launches a barrage of blows to the jaw, but Stay takes it in the forearms.
-Hitchens throws a right to the jaw, but Stay narrowly avoids it
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-Hitchens lunges with a cross to the solar plexus, but Stay ducks.
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-Hitchens fires a volley of punches to the temple, but Stay covers himself well.
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-Hitchens launches a barrage of left shots to the temple, but Stay escapes.
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-Hitchens paws a barrage of shots to the mouth, but he's too slow.
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+Stay punches Hitchens with a pair of painful punches to the nose.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 1 of 33 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 60-54


Hitchens is obviously tired. He has cut above the left eye. He has minor cut below the left eye. He has swelling above the right eye. He has swelling above the left eye. He has a fractured nose. He has a bloody lip.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 7

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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+Stay catches Hitchens with a right to the temple. Hitchens sneers "My little sister can hit harder than you!"
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-Hitchens attacks with a jab to the solar plexus, but goes wide.
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-Hitchens throws a flurry of right punches to the chin, but Stay deftly avoits it.
-Hitchens tries to land a barrage of right blows to the nose, but misses completely.
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-Hitchens throws a barrage of blows to the head, but Stay leaps aside.
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-Hitchens charges with a flurry of shots to the mouth, but falls short.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 1 of 30 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 70-63


Hitchens is obviously tired. He has cut above the left eye. He has minor cut below the left eye. He has swelling above the right eye. He has swelling above the left eye. He has a fractured nose. He has a bloody lip.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 8

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

-Hitchens throws a flurry of left blows to the head, but Stay quickly backs away.
+Stay tags Hitchens with a left to the head. Hitchens doesn't notice.
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-Hitchens throws a barrage of punches to the face, but loses his balance.
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-Hitchens attempts a left straight right to the eye, but Stay deftly avoits it.
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-Hitchens attempts a pair of right shots to the eye, but Stay escapes.
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-Hitchens probes with a barrage of shots to the chin, but falls short.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 1 of 31 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 80-72


Hitchens is slowing down. He has cut above the left eye. He has minor cut below the left eye. He has swelling above the right eye. He has swelling above the left eye. He has a fractured nose. He has a bloody lip.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 9

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens attempts a barrage of left blows to the face, but Stay quickly backs away.
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-Hitchens paws a volley of left blows to the mouth, but Stay leaps aside.
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+Stay nails Hitchens with a head butt! The referee sees it and issues a warning!
+Stay thumps Hitchens with a pair of commanding blows to the eye.
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-Hitchens attacks with a flurry of blows to the head, but Stay steps aside and laughs.
-Hitchens lunges with a left cross to the ribs, but Stay blocks.
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-Hitchens throws a flurry of shots to the face, but Stay stays away from it.
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-Hitchens tries to land a series of left shots to the ribs, but Stay leaps aside.
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-Hitchens tries to land a series of punches to the head, but Stay escapes.

BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 1 of 30 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 90-81


Hitchens is slowing down. He has serious cut above the left eye. He has minor cut below the left eye. He has swelling above the right eye. He has swelling above the left eye. He has a fractured nose. He has a bloody lip.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 10

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

-Hitchens throws a barrage of punches to the face, but Stay ducks.
-Hitchens paws a series of shots to the jaw, but Stay steps aside and laughs.
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+Stay slams Hitchens with a flurry of furious punches to the jaw.
-Hitchens attacks with a flurry of right shots to the face, but Stay escapes.
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-Hitchens charges with a flurry of left punches to the jaw, but is ineffective.
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-Hitchens lunges with a pair of punches to the ribs, but falls short.
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-Hitchens paws a barrage of punches to the head, but only hits air.
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BELL

According to the commentator:

Christopher Hitchens landed 1 of 32 punches, and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man landed 8 of 8 punches.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man won the round 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is winning the fight 100-90


Hitchens is slowing down. He has serious cut above the left eye. He has minor cut below the left eye. He has the right eye swollen shut. He has swelling above the left eye. He has a fractured nose. He has a bloody lip.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!



ROUND 11

Hitchens comes out fighting.
Stay covers up.

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-Hitchens tries a series of right shots to the jaw, but Stay beats a hasty retreat.
+Stay jolts Hitchens with a pair of blows to the mouth. Hitchens hangs on until the referee breaks them up.
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-Hitchens tries to land a flurry of right blows to the stomach, but to no avail.
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-Hitchens lunges with a volley of left shots to the head, but Stay covers himself well.
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-Hitchens lunges with a series of right blows to the jaw, but loses his balance.
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-Hitchens throws a barrage of right blows to the mouth, but falls short.
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+Stay fires Hitchens with a low blow! The referee sees it and takes a point away!
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-Hitchens attempts a pair of blows to the nose, but Stay stays away from it.
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BELL
Hitchens is slowing down. He has serious cut above the left eye. He has minor cut below the left eye. He has the right eye swollen shut. He has the left eye swollen shut. He has a fractured nose. He has a bloody lip.

Stay doesn't want to stop fighting!

The doctor won't let Christopher Hitchens continue the fight! Stay Puft Marshmallow Man wins by TKO!!





Judge Guimond had the fight scored as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9


Judge Leinbach had the fight scored as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9


Bobby Czyz had the fight scored as follows:

Round 1: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 2: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 3: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 4: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 5: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 6: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 7: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 8: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 9: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9
Round 10: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 10-9

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man wins by a technical knockout!


          

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