The Week in Review

1:29 AM

22

Mar

March 15 - 21

Progress Report

The Week in Review

March 15: Pewter Southpaw vs. Ben Wade, one of Top Rank's fighters. I was worried all week about this fight. Ben is a really tough guy and Top Rank always gives his guys an excellent plan and a great chance to win. To say that I was nervous would be an understatement. But as much as everyone keeps telling me otherwise, I am a boxer and I've been known to win in the past. Besides, maybe Ben would miss his bus and I would win by forfeit, so I had to at least show up. Then, once I got there, I didn't have much choice but to fight. I couldn't pull a Ken Shamrock and pull out of a fight because of a little nick on my forehead. So, here's the matchup, there's me, six feet of bones with a thin wrap of skin holding it all together and there's Ben Wade, five feet of bulging muscles. Even his muscles have muscles. If he was green, he'd be a short Hulk. When we touched gloves before the fight he almost knocked me down. I tried not to look scared.

Then came the bell to start the first round. Mr. Wade is trying to work his way inside and pound on me, so I'm on my bicycle and peddling backwards as fast as I can. I try to flick out a jab every now and then to keep him back, but it isn't working. Finally, the bell and I go back to my corner. I can already feel the bruises forming. My arms hurt from plocking his punches. Bronze told me that round was a draw and that I had to pick up the pace. That little runt is asking me why I'm running so much. The commentator says that neither of us wants to stop fighting. I want to tell him that I do. Uh oh, there's the bell for round two. More pain. Again, he's trying to get close so he can break my ribs, so I'm running backwards and throwing a few jabs to try to keep him away. When the round is over, I have even more bruises and Bronze tells me that round was a draw, too. I want to tell him I'm just trying to stay alive, but the bell rings and I have to go out for some more torture. Round three was a repeat of the previous two rounds, but I swear, he's hitting me harder. At the end of the round, all the running has caused me to work up a good sweat, but the pace doesn't seem to be bothering Ben much. To make things worse, Bronze is getting mad. He says I lost that round and that I'm behind. "Pih uh duh payss", he says. Huh? Round four. I'm starting to think a career in journalism is not such a bad idea. I take Bronze's advise. Maybe if I hit him harder he'll stop hitting me so hard. Not true, at the end of the round my bruises were developing bruises. I snached up the watter bottle and took a good hard drink. I looked over at Ben and he's just standing around like hes in line to buy groceries. I don't even think he had broken a sweat yet. And Bronze says, "Dass bettuh, gimmie anuthuh roun liy dat!" He's gotta be kidding. He's probably mad at me for winning that round. Well, I'll give it a try. Maybe he'll knock me out and end the beating. I couldn't be so lucky. My arms and shoulders were screaming in pain. He might not be landing a lot of scoring punches, but I'm really feeling the fourty or so punches each round. At the end of round five, Bronze is beaming. "Yo win'n boa. Key ih uh." I really wish Bronze could talk. I'm glad someone is enjoying the fight. At least Ben has finally broken a sweat. Top Rank was wiping him down in the corner and giving him advice. I go out in the next round and try to make Bronze happy and the beating continues. At the end of the round I'm really getting tired and Bronze says, "U loss dat un. Gih bizzey." Easy for you to say. Here I go out for round seven. Actually, I'm surprised I lasted this long. I'm also wishing it would end. That round hurt even more than any of the others and I can feel myself slowing down. At least Ben is sitting between rounds. Bronze tells me that that round was closer than he would have liked, but that he thinks I won. He says he had hoped I'd have a bigger lead by now, because I wasn't looking too good. He wished he could tell me to just cover up and ride it out, but he still needs me to produce and win rounds. For the first time that I can remember, he actually sounds like a trainer. He even sounds like he knows what he's talking about. But it's still me taking the beating. Out I go for round eight. Only round eight? Oh no. I'm still trying and I'm still taking a beating. When the round ends, my legs feel like they are stuck in cement, but I must have hit Ben with a good shot. He has a bit of a lump above his left eye. Bronze is offering me encouragement between rounds, but telling me that I lost that round and that according to his score card, it's a draw. Bronze hates draws. I really feel like I'm slogging through mud. Ben nails me with a right hand uppercut and I feel my knees give. Somehow I get to my feet by the count of five. We exchange a few more shots and he nails me with a haymaker. This time it takes to the count of six for me to get up. Luckilly, the round ends and I can return to my corner. Get this. Bronze says he is sorry, but I only have three rounds left and I'm down by three. He wants me to knock Wade out. Right. The bell sounds and I slog out into the middle of the ring. I throw a few punches, Ben throws a few punches and then I wake up on my back to the sound of Joe Cortez saying, "FOUR ... FIVE ..." I scramble to my feet by the count of eight and the fight goes on. I don't know why I got up. I guess I'm just a glutten for punnishment. I did manage to land a good combination to Wade's left eye before the end of the round and I could see that it had swollen shut. I could also see that he was obviously tired, but I don't feel like I'm getting any worse. It's probably because I'm just numb from all the abuse. Whatever the case, I'm down by five and going into round eleven. I've been knocked down three times already. He's probably going to finish me right here. Oh no. Whether he's mad because I won't stay down or because I damaged his beautiful face, it's clear that Wade isn't too happy and he's charging across the ring toward me. I'm too tired to get out of the way. This is the end. He nails me with a cross to the jaw and I feel the mat break my fall. somehow I get to my feet by the count of seven. I'm starting to surprise myself. Woops. Another shot to the temple and down I go. I'm woosey and stumbling around, but somehow I'm up by the count of nine. I fire off a couple of shots to his jaw and I can feel my senses comming back. Then POW!!! I hit him with a good shot to the nose and down he goes and he's not getting up. I won by knock out!!! And if he was unpretty before, you should see him now - a serious cut above the right eye and a minor cut below it and it is starting to swell. I'm tired and I have a little swelling above my left eye, but I take time to pose for photos and do Ben's post fight interview with Playboy magazine. I'm such a stud.

American Staffordshire Terrior vs. Duke of Dorkdom's Frank "Enfurter" Esler. She was barking and salavating all week, looking forward to this fight. It was going to be a rematch against her only loss and she wanted to repay the favor of the knockout. Much like my fight, earlier, with Ben Wade, AST is six feet tall and her opponent is only five foot one. She's much stronger than I am, though and already has three knockouts to prove it. This fight also has the taller fighter trying to stay on the outside while the shorter fighter tries to work his way inside. AST isn't running from anyone, though. She is looking good, early and wins the first round easily. Enfurter changes his strategy and starts to look to work from the clinch in the second round with little difference. By the end of round four, she had won all four rounds, but had worked up a sweat while Esler still looked pretty fresh. Perhaps he saw something, because he went back to his earlier tactic and was back on the inside pounding away for round five. He also threw more punches and managed to land enough to take the round. That got him sweating, though. AST's confidence was building. She met his increased production and easily won the sixth round going back up by four. Frank surprised everyone by going all out in round seven. He caught her with a haymaker, knocking her out of the ring. It took her to the count of six to get back in, but she didn't appear to be in bad shape. He then hit her with a rabbit punch (this guy really fights durty). He finished her off with a thundering left to the nose. Not quite the end she was looking for.

March 16: Tooloose Mywallet Has had a rough time during the last few weeks and it didn't seem to be getting any better with this week's match up against A Nice Warm Glass Of Shut The Hell Up from The Coroner's camp. This guy likes to pull his opponent close and bang on them until they give up. We didn't see any reason for him to change this just to accomodate us. Tooloose was confident that he had the power to hurt A Nice, but we want our guy to have a nice long career, so we are trying to keep the abuse to a minimum. So we told him to go out, keep his distance and win the early rounds with his much-imporved foot-work. When he got a comfortable lead, he would be able to take a round off here and there so as not to get tired. Hell Up played right into our plans. We won the first few rounds without having to put forth too much effort. Then My Wallet was able to take some rounds off and win some others. When the twelfth round came up, Tooloose had a five point lead. We were sure The Coroner wasn't going to let his guy just roll over, so Tooloose was lookng for the all out when it came. A mighty left cross to the jaw ended Hell Up's dissapointing evening.

March 17: Fred "Stilts" Cannon was matched up against another tall guy from The Coroner's gym. Where does he find these guys? This guy calls himself Billy Holydaze. Bronze was callng him Holland Craze all week to try and keep the atmosphere light. Stilts was really afraid of this guy. when Holland (see, he's got me doing it) started dancing around the ring, Fred went nuts and left the plan right away. What whas he thinking fighting on the inside? He's gonna get his bell rung. That's what he did, though up close and personal for both of the first two rounds. I think he lost it. He settled down and used the clinch as we recommended in round three. We had already lost the first two rounds and it looks like our guy was taking a pounding. Stilts continued clinching and working the body (and losing rounds). He won the fifth, but only because Billy took that one off. At our urging, Cannon picked up the pace in round 6. He didn't need to, though, because Billy took that one off, too. We were still down by three and urging Fred to leave it in the ring. He was clinching and throwing punches and Billy was resting again. Holydaze woke up in the eighth and took that one Stilts had a good sweat going and Holydaze still looked fresh. This wasn't going at all like we practiced. Then Stilts took round nine off and danced around the ring. We managed to straighten him out between rounds and he was back clinching in the tenth. Billy won that one, too and we were down by five going into the 11th. At our urging, Stilts went all out looking for a late round KO. He hardly phased his opponent, though, who still out pointed him in the round. Cannon was trying to live up to his name in round 12 going for broke and broke is what he got. He went down twice before he stayed down for good. Bronze says he doesn't have time for loosers. If Fred "Stilts" Cannon doesn't win next week, he's out.

Tallon vs. Bill Badmann, one of Paz McCay's boys. This was a classic boxer/brawler duell with the taller Tallon working his jab from outside and the shorter Badmann working from the clinch. Tallon won the first two rounds and Badmann switched to working inside and Tallon tried his luck at counter punching. The tactic seemed to work wonderfully for him and he took rounds three, four and five. Badmann was really cutting him up, though. Both fighters had begun to sweat and they were both into this one. Bill switched to clinching again and the counter punching Tallon lost that round because he didn't throw enough punches. We gave Tallon round seven, but it was close. We were asking him to move back outside and work his jab because these rounds were too close, but he wasn't listening. Badmann was working from inside again in round eight and caught Tallon with a slow motion cross that put him down for a six count. With the close rounds earlier and a 10-8 round in the eighth, we told Tallon that he needed to pick it up and stop being so sloppy. He was obviously tired and I don't think he was listening. He was still counter punching when Bill Badmann put him down three times in the ninth. When he was able to get to his feet, he announced that win or lose, he was going to retire after next week's fight.

Basasrorytaugh vs. D. Blak Horse: from The Coroner's gym. We're still trying to figure out what D. Blak Horse said to Basasrorytaugh when they were coming into the arena tonight but whatever it was really pissed our guy off. He could hardly weight for the bell to ring to start the fight. He raced across the ring and lit into Horse with no apparent interest in defending himself. He went down from a cruel left smash and was right back up swinging another viscious blow to the temple put him down for good. Bronze is considering pulling the plug on this guy, too.

March 19: Bronze Southpaw's first fight at light flyweight is against Timo Boll from the Top Rank gym. They just can't get enough of him. This is another of those boxer/brawler matches where Bronze has the role of Boxer It's a role he is very familiar with. As expected, Timo was tired of the inside fight after the second round and he changed his tactic to clinching and throwing a lot of punces. This is a tactic used by Top Rank's brawlers that still confuses Bronze He says they fight like octopuses (you should hear him say octopuses). He was back working inside for round four and Bronze gets that round. Boll continued to alternate inside hard and clinching octopus through round eight. Bronze was still up by two rounds and he did something very uncharacteristic. When Timo came in for the the octopus clinch, Bronze went all out on him. Timo won the round, but he had a look of surprise on his face as he snatched up the water bottle and sucked it down. Timo was clinching and flainling in round ten and Bronze was throwing leather, too. we had to give a slight edge to Timo in that round which brought the fight even. This had turned into a boxing match and Timo was holding his own. For some reason we don't completely understand, Bronze went back to dancing and let the slapping octopus win rounds eleven and twelve. When asked why, Bronze said he thought he was winning. He's the only one who saw it that way, however, and Timo won a close decision that Bronze let slip away.

Top Rank Terminator vs. goober from the bugrott gym. Top Rank Terminator watched tape on goober all week. I think he watched every minute of every fight. I've never seen anyone scout so hard. And his opponent was goober. All he has to do is throw one of those sledgehammers in round one and call it a night. The bell rings and goober comes out flailing his arms as usual, but Terminator does not put him away. He presses his head up against goober's chest and tosses a couple of light jabs at his opponent's face. goober took the round and the next and the one after that. Terminator kept giving up rounds and goober kept flailing away. He was standing and being wiped down at the end of two, sitting on his stool sucking water after three and obviously tired after four. He was slowing down after five and Terminator was still not fighting. goober kept throwing everything he had and looked exhausted after seven. Poor goober needed medical attention from his corner just to make it into the twelfth round. Before he could even start to flail, Terminator was on him throwing the hardest bombs I've ever seen right into the ribcage. goober was confused, glassy-eyed and tied up in the ropes. Mills Lane had no choice but to stop the fight and ask for a vaccuum to clean up what was left of goober.

Bronze Southpaw Jr. vs. Ephedrine Junkie: With a win against this guy from The Coroner's camp, they younger Bronze could secure the gym's record for best undefeated start. His dad was so choked up before the fight that he was unable to attend. That left me and Tallon to work the kid's corner. Talk about an up hill battle; Junkie already had a rating advantage. Though Ephedrine was the much shorter fighter, we didn't expect him to come out brawling. This was going to be a good old fassioned boxing match. Ephedrine took an early lead; winning the first two rounds. By the end of round two, he had thrown more than 150 punches. Junior stayed patient, knowing that Junkie would tire if he tried to keep that pace. Ephedrine picked up the pace, throwing more than 100 punches in round three. Tallon leaned over to me during the round and asked, "Is that kid on drugs?" I just laughed. Junior was down by three, but it was clear, as The Coroner wiped him down between rounds that Junckie was not going to be able to maintain the pace. He backed off a bit in round four; throwing only 85 punches and Bronze was able to out score him. You should have seen the smile on our kid's face when we told him we thought he had finally won a round. Then Junkie surprised us; becoming the brawler and fighing on the inside. This didn't seem to bother Southpaw as he easily won another round and then another. With just one round in his pocket, Ephederine went back to boxing and jabbing. He threw nearly a hundred punches in round seven and it was really close. We gave the round to the kid because we were really pulling for him, but to be honest, we weren't sure the judges were. Junkie was up over 100 punches in round eight and Junior clearly landed the cleaner crisper punches. Now we had him in the lead, but there was a round that could have gone either way. Ephedrine was obviously tired and it looked, from our point of view, that it was Junior's fight to loose. We just had to keep his head in it With a three round lead going into the eleventh, Junior let up a little and started putting on a show for the crowd. What the hell, he's young. But we gave him a good talking to in the corner and told him to go out and win round 12. He didn't listen. He clowned his way all the way to an easy decision win. The kid is good, but he still lacks discipline.

Harvey Fierstein vs. Tiny Terror from The Coroner's gym. Harvey did his best to ware down this imp. It was very clear early on that he was too fast for Fierstein. Terror had not trouble winning rounds. When he felt he had a comfortable lead, he took a few rounds off. Then he picked up the pace again. Harvey had had enough and, down by two, he went all out in round nine. Terror was waiting and put poor Fierstein down three times before the referee stopped it.

Paul "Stumpy" Buniuns vs. Richard "Doctor" Kimble: This guy from the Demise gym has really had it rough lately and it wasn't going to get better against Stumpy. He was still mad about his recent losses. Stumpy worked his way inside and ended Doctor's night early with a haymaker in round one.

Straw Southpaw vs. JAMES GOLLING: This supposed to be the wonderful debut of Straw Southpaw but it turned out to be an easy win for Angee. His guy, JAMES came in and dribbled Southpaw off the mat for four rounds before straw could no longer get back up. What a pitty.

March 20 Steve Erkle got a rare match against someone from Eddy Crown's gym - Roland Alphonso. This means he was not only representing the Bronze Southpaw gym, but also The U.S. West. The pressure was indeed on for this battle of boxers. Steve easily took the first two rounds against the clinching alphonso and took the third one off. Roland switched to working inside, but Steve took another round. Alphonso went back to clinching as Erkle took round five off. This back and forth continued through round ten. At that point, Erkle was slowing down and Alphonso was obviously tired. Eddy told his guy that the time was ripe for the all out. Erkle went down to a right and struggled to his feet only to be floored by a left cross to the jaw. Somehow he beat the count and put Alphonso down with a left to the nose. He got up and they scuffled back and forth before Erkle could land a right hook to end it. That's how the West was won.

March 21: Erkinwhine took on The Coroner's Emerald Dal. We spent hours trying to figure out how to take on this monster. As many of you know, when you are tall, you can use your height against your opposition and often dance your way to a win. But you get used to this and it is different when your opponents are near to you in height. This was our delima. To make matters worse, Dal has a rating advantage and a few attributes on Erk. In the end, we just told him to do whatever he thought might work and we wouldn't blame the loss on him. Of course, Bronze as said that before and he still expects success. Erkinwhine's choice of tactics was something for the Guinis book and he pulled it off. No color commentary can do this fight justice. It must be seen to be believed. Erk might be six foot two and Dal only six foot, but we've been calling this fight the munkey vs. the organ grinder. Erkinwhine is all out and throwing every thing he's got every round. Emerald is throwing close to a hundred punches per round and resting when he can. Dal takes a lot of punnishment, but goes down in round nine and twice in round ten to give Erkinwhine a rare KO victory. I don't imagine anyone will see a fight like this one in a long time.

Erkinwhine's victory was just what we needed to finish the week at .500. Not really impressive unless you consider that only two out of fourteen fights were not KOs. This has led Bronze to ask that the progress report be put on hold for a while until he has made his own evaluations of the members of this gym and some of our careers. I'm not sure I like the sound of that ...

In the end, our gym posted a record of 7/7/0 (6/6).

Our record for March is a combined 27/17/3 (16/6).

Our record for February was 19/14/2 (11/6).

Overall, since coming back to BDB our record is 44/31/5 (27/16).

March 8 - 14

March 8: Pewter Southpaw vs. Stanley "The Shark" Ogrady I don't usually boast about my prowess, but something about this matchup got me excited. Some of you may have seen my remarks in the press. The Shark is a mean guy coming from the Giganto gym. When I scouted him, I noted that he liked to work hard inside in the early and middle rounds and then go all out late when the thought he had his opponent softened up. We decided that it would not due to try to cover up. This guy does a lot of damage, so we decided to keep our distance as much as we could and try to give as good as we got. In later rounds, we hoped to be ready for his all out attack. Sure enough, he came out throwing some bombs. If you watch the film of the fight, you can see both of us wearing down quickly. To look at me, you might not think it, but I'm in pretty good shape. That's why he was the first to fade. When we saw that, we knew we had him. When he made his move in round ten, I was ready and put him to sleep.

American Staffordshire Terrior vs. Chris Paul: Chris is from Top Rank's gym and this was really going to be a challenge for her. She didn't think so, however. Paul plays the role of the slugger quite well, and since AST is balanced, she knew better than to take him on at his own game. Her role in this fight would be that of boxer/dancer. Chris' strategy was to work his way inside whenever he could and work hard to the body. Terrior's job was to work from outside with enough power on her punches to keep him honest. chris showed he was up to the task. He pounded away hard. American fired some stiff jabs of her own. She could tell he felt them. Each fighter showed tremendous courage as they took shots from the other. Paul attempted to up his production to win round five, but was unsuccessful. Trailing by five, he had no choice but to re-double his efforts and try to wear her down. As hard as he came, she gave back just as hard. By the end of round seven, they were both obviously tired. Normally, Bronze and I would advise our fighter to back off with a seven point lead, but this was a fighter from Top Rank's gym and they are tricky. We asked her for five more rounds. She said she could do it and we believed her. After round eight, Chris was showing signs of slowing down. If AST could keep it up, she would have her win. Chris Paul looked exhausted at the end of round ten and Staffordshire was tired, but doing well. She was also up by ten points and still bringing it. She caught him with a right haymaker in the eleventh and he went down. It looked like that would be it, but somehow he was back on his feet and was able to finish the round. Now trailing by twelve, the despirate Paul came at her with all he had (it wasn't much, but he might still be dangerous). Another haymaker and he was in the front row - Bet those guys didn't bargain for that. That's were he was when the paramedics arived to take him away.

March 9: Tooloose Mywallet was looking to bounce back this week with a win against The Coroner's I Hate My Job. He came out trying to ware his opponent down in the early rounds as Job was trying to score points early. This plan was working well as Job was being wiped down by his trainer and he didn't want to stop fighting after just two rounds. Things were really looking good. After the third round, I Hate was sitting on his stool taking water and Mywallet couldn't wait to get at him. Tooloose went all out in round four. He didn't score the knock down, but My Job was obviously tired and he didn't even want to rest. At this point, The Coroner's boy seemed ready to go. He came out throwing a lot of leather for round five. If Tooloose had gone for the all out there, it would have probably meant the end of the fight. But he didn't. Instead, he was worried about being four points behind and came out throwing a lot of leather himself. He won that round and was only down by three. He decided to go after round six and found Job taking the round off. Mywallet was loosing his edge as he had finally worked up a sweat. Down by only two, he went all out agains I Hate. Again he caught him throwing a lot of leather and again, he didn't get the knock down. Down by three, he went out to win round eight and did so with relative ease. He was running out of rounds in which to make up his mind. Both fighters threw a ton of punches in round nine, but our guy came up short and was down by three. With only three rounds left, he should have gone for the knockout, but he didn't and he lost round ten as well. I think our guy had something knocked loose, because he was still throwing a lot of punches and won round eleven against a much less productive opponent. He was able to win the final round, but we were sure he was still down by two. surprisingly, the fight was a draw. That might not be as bad as a loss, but this is a fight he had in the bag. He really needs to step things up a bit.

March 10: Fred "Stilts" Cannon was matched up against another tall guy. Like all his opponents lately, this one was also from The Coroner's gym. This week it was For Whom the Dinner Bell Tolls. It was Bell Tolls' rematch from two weeks ago. Dinner Bell is still a bit light for the heavyweights and that would probably cost him in this one, too. For Whom came out standing stright up and throwing heavy leather. Stilts used the clinch and threw punches sparingly. Our guy lost the first round, tied the second, but won the third, making it even after three. Round four was just like the other three had been and Cannon took that one also. Our guy switched to fighting on the outside and used his jab effectively in round five. He upped his production, too. He looked good, winning rounds five and six, while For Whom didn't seem to have an answer. When Stilts won round seven it seemed to take a lot out of the other man. He looked tired. With the fight pretty much a done deal, Fred went back to the clinch and a lower punch count. After taking a break in round eight, Cannon came out dancing again. A dejected and beaten Bell Tolls fired off a frustrated and flagrant blow to the groin for which he was warned. It was obvious that For Whom the Dinner Bell Tolls had accepted his defeat and he allowed Fred "Stilts Cannon to dance and jab his way through the final rounds to victory.

Tallon vs. Billy Holydaze: Holydazeis a The Coroner gym fighter who stands six foot five inches tall and weighing only 213. He was giving up a lot of weight to Tallon, who tips the scales at 255. Tall fighters are a problem for Tallon. He worked all week on punching forward instead of down. He also worked on keeping his punches up and away from the beltline. We were all worried that he would be thinking too much about this and that it might cause him some indecision. Tallon, knowing that he had a definate weight advantage over Billy leaned on him from the beginning of the fight while the lighter man attempted to dance. Our guy did seem a little tenative, throwing only sixteen punches in the first round. Then he came out dancing and throwing jabs. He was definately the more busy fighter. Going into the third round, each fighter had one a round. Tallon was back to clinching, but less tenetive. He was working the body of Holydaze hard. He made up for lost ground by dancing and jabbing his way through round for and again it was even at two rounds apeace. Holydaze took round five and, with the exception of a low blow, round six off. He then took off round seven. He decided to fight in round eight, but found Tallon dancing and jabbing, so he lost that round as well. Our guy was now up by four, going into round nine. We were almost there. They split rounds nine and ten, then Tallon danced and jabbed his way to winning the last two round. We won by a decisive decision: 117 - 111 on all cards.

Basasrorytaugh vs. Kobe Hardge: Another unknown, Hardge is managed by Scatterman3d. We scouted Hardge and determined that his only tactic was to cover up, so we just dared Basasrorytaugh to knock him out. It took him eleven rounds, but he got the job done.

March 12: Bronze Southpaw gets another rematch against Freddy Adu. By now, you all know this is one of Top Rank's fighters. Freddy started the fight working out of the clinch while Bronze danced and flicked the jab. He did a good job finding a home for it and wone the first round. Bronze didn't change anything for round two, but Freddy gave up punch count in favor of harder punches to the body. Bronze won that round, too. Freddy picked up his punch count for round three and won that round. Both fighters fell into the clinch during round four, each pounding away at the other's body. In the end, Adu was the busier fighter and took that round. It was now even at two rounds each and Bronze was starting to show the effects of his higher punch count and the damage sustained. Both fighters threw a lot of punches in round five, but Bronze took a narrow lead. He also took a shot to the eye, which he claimed was an elbow, that was causing some swelling. Round six found both fighters clinching again, and again, Adu won the round by virtue of being the busier fighter. It was again even going into round seven. Rounds seven and eight were just like rounds five and six, except we gave both rounds to Freddy by a narrow margin. They split rounds nine and ten. Bronze had given up on the clinch and was just trying to pile up points with his jab at this point. Bronze threw caution to the wind and left it all in the ring for the last two rounds, backpeddling and jabbing, but we had him losing both of them. Dissapointed, Bronze told us in his corner that he would be moving up to light flyweight so that he could fight someone besides Freddy Adu though it was likely that his next opponent would be from the Top Rank gym. We were surprised the judges called it a draw. Apparently some of those close rounds went our way.

Top Rank Terminator vs. Richard "Doctor" Kimble from the Demise gym. Doctor's manager suddenly vanished last year and he has been doing his best to fight with the same fight plane he used to defeat "Tanglefree" almost six months ago. Since then he has been the victim of one blood-thirsty fighter after another. This week was no different as Top Rank Terminator pounded him into submission late in round six.

Bronze Southpaw Jr. vs. Exhumed: With a win this week, Junior could tie the gym's record for best undefeated start. In order to do that, however, he would have to get past this tough kid from The Coroner's camp. Bronze stayed outside and used his jab, while his opponent used the unorthodox style of clinching and throwing a ton of shots. The funny style worked, however, and the little guy won the first two rounds. The punch count was taking its toll on The Coroner's fighter and he lost the thrid round due to a lack of accuracy. The shorter fighter changed his mind and worked his way inside for round four, but this tactic left him right in front of young Southpaw who couldn't miss. With the score even going into round four, both fighters had worked up a good sweat and the fight was still up for grabs. It was going to be a good one. Exhumed continued to work on the inside during round five, but it just didn't work out. He lost that round and went back to the clinch. The crazy style of clinching and throwing a lot of punches was working for him and he evened it up three rounds each going into the seventh. He was getting gassed and had to take that round off, but came back to take round eight. They split rounds nine and ten even with Exhumed throwing 90 punches in the tenth. He threw 99 in the eleventh and lost that round, too. Despirate, he went all out in the twelfth, Junior kept his distance, while peppering him with 66 shots to add imphasis to his fifth win in a row.

Harvey Fierstein vs. Numma The Daredevil Harvey had little chance against this sprite from The Coroner's gym. The little guy was just too fast. Harv tried to lean on him and use his slight weight advantage, but strawweights don't have a lot of weight. Fierstein was able to ware The Daredevil down, only to see him rest in the middle rounds and come back. In the end, both fighters left it all in the ring, but Harvey lost a fight that was never close.

Paul "Stumpy" Buniuns vs. Tiny Terror: This was Stumpy's week to go up against Tiny Terror from The Coroner 's gym. He didn't do nearly as well as Junior did last week. Much like Harvey against Numma, Stumpy just couldn't catch the speedy Terror. Though tiny started to tire, he had built a big enough lead to rest and recover. One last despirate all out for Stumpy in the twelfth resulted in a knock down, but it was too little and too late.

March 13 Steve Erkle found an easy target with Becky Gilbert's ramatch. Becky comes from Da Butcher 's gym and she comes out swatting flies. Erkle put her away quickly and with little effort.

March 14: Teflon Southpaw went up against Bribe For The Ferryman from The Coroner's camp this week. This fight promissed the classic puncher vs dancer matchup that everyone loves to see. As might have been expected, Ferryman used the clinch to try and ware down Southpaw while the latter tried to keep his distance and use his jab. This tactic worked well for Teflon, who had won all five rounds going into the sixth. It was at this time that Bribe changed things up and started to work his way inside to do heavy damage with body blows. Teflon continued to dance and to score, but didn't seem to do much damage to his opponent. He was sure taking some heavy shots though and while Bribe hadn't even broken a sweat, Teflon was sitting on his stool taking water between rounds. We might have advised him to run and hid with his seven point lead, but Southpaw was sure that if the all out came, he'd be ready. Then he started losing rounds. He lost rounds eight, nine and ten. To make matters worse, he was obviously tired and Ferryman had only just worked up a sweat. Bribe came out into round eleven with evil intent Southpaw took an uppercut that dropped him. Somehow he got to his feet by the count of nine only to be laid out again by a right cross. This time he stayed down.

Erkinwhine vs. Boston Dynamite from Big Boy, Inc. Again, this was the matchup between boxer and dancer with one big difference. Since Big Boy, Inc hasn't been around for a while, we were able to get Dynamite's strategy from watching footage of his recent fights. We discovered that Boston likes to hug his opponent for eight rounds and then come with the all out. Erk danced and did just enough to win the first seven rounds (just in case it somehow made it to the judges). Then he covered up in the eighth in hopes of getting a little rest before the intensity of the coming round. When the all out came, he was ready. He slammed Dynamite with a right to the side of the head and down he went. Boston had some fight left in him, however and he made it to his feet at the count of nine. Erkinwhine waited a moment and then caught him again. This time with a right hook, breaking his jaw and knocking him out of the ring to end the fight.

In the end, our gym posted a record of 9/3/2 (6/1).

Our record for March is a combined 20/10/3 (10/4).

Our record for February was 19/14/2 (11/6).

Overall, since coming back to BDB our record is 37/24/5 (21/10).

March 1 - 7

March 1: We were all shocked, this morning, when Rodrigo staggered into the gym. We weren't surprised he was staggering - the empty half-gallon of Jamacan Rum in his hand explained that. The surprise was that he was retired and obviously enjoying retirement. Anyway, he staggers over to me and asks, "Got sum gluffffs ah kun borrugh? ... (hic) ... ah gots uh fie cum'n up ... (hic). I used to enjoy watching Rodrigo fight, though he wasn't ever very good at it. So I asked him when he was scheduled to fight. After all, I thought he was retired. His answer was, "'bout noon, ah tink." What? He had a fight scheduled for noon? As he tells the story, he was just checking his cell after a week-long benge and found a message from some guy named Boro Mad Dog. The guy challenged him to a fight that was supposed to take place last Monday. Rodrigo called the guy's manager Mynde to tell him he was retired, but he got Boro, himself. He tried to explain to Boro that he was retired, but the other fighter wasn't having it. As it turned out, this guy, Boro is a heavyweight and Rodrigo is a Middleweight but Rodrigo convenced him to fight at 160, so they inked the fight.

Rodrigo vs. Boro Mad Dog: We had to rush to the event center for the impromptu fight and had a hard time keeping Rodrigo awake long enough to fight. Mad Dog looked ill in his corner. Losing 59 pounds in just eight hours can really wreak a person. During the introductions, he was having a battle just holding himself up. When the bell rang, he didn't move. Rodrigo staggard across the ring and tossed a weak uppercut at Boro that must have had something on it, because it blodied the brit's nose. He followed that up with some kind of looping punch that didn't seem to know where it was going. Somehow, it landed, tearing a gash into Mad Dog's forehead; sending him crashing to the canvas. It took some time for Rodrigo to find a neutral corner, but it didn't matter. The EMT's hooked the emaciated fighter up to life-support and haulled him out of the ring.Rodrigo used his winings to buy another half-gallon of rum and announced his return to retirement.

Pewter Southpaw vs. Reyes Adobe: I caught a lot of flack, last week, about letting BUFFY BOY off lightly. The guys said I lacked the killer instinct necessary to be a fighter. They joked that I should retire and stick to writing commentaries. That hurt, you know? But not as much as I intended to hurt Reyes Adobe. You see, he's managed by Demise a gym we have a gret deal of respect for, but the Adobe's manager has been away for some time and he continues to fight with the last plan he was given. I watched a lot of the film from his fights and I was sure he would provide the perfect example of my killer instinct. Basicly, Adobe comes in and tries to work the body hard for about six rounds. He then takes a few rounds off to recover and then turns up the heat. My plan was to maintain just enough punch count to carry the rounds and then knock him out when he makes his move. That's also what I did. Another KO for me. What do you think of that, guys?

American Staffordshire Terrior vs. Body Bag X: AST drew another fighter from The Coroner's gym this week. BBX came out firing hard shots to the body after working his way inside. AST took everything he had to offer, though and came back firing some of her own stuff. She actually threw fewer punches, but actually out landed him about 1.5 to 1. She landed twice as often as he did in round two, breaking his nose in the process. She was still fresh and he was starting to fade already. It's hard to breath when your nose is broken. He was still throwing more punches in round three, but she landed three for every one he landed and easily won another round. She had cut him that round, he was getting tired and she told us he wasn't hitting her nearly as hard any more. Round four was like round three, but she managed to open up the cut a little more and BBX was slowing down. He looked exhausted at the end of round five and she was scoring four times as often. Round six was much the same as round five. She landed five times as often in round seven and he was obviously finished at this point. Between rounds, she mentioned that she didn't even feel his punches any more. They had nothing on them. I guess she really has the killer instinct and this guy actually had a fight plan. She continued to abuse him in round eight and knocked him down with a thundering uppercut in round nine. We think we saw them use a defibulator on him between rounds, but he came out for round ten. She sent him down once with a resounding heymaker. She took time to answer some questions from the press (read the transcript, it's in there) and then she knocked him out with a brutal left uppercut.

March 2: Tooloose Mywallet got the rematch with Oogleberry from Top Rank's gym that we thought would come. Bronze came up with the idea that we would do whatever it took to win the first four rounds. Oogleberry would panic and increase his punch count and we would go in for the kill in round five. It all worked, except for the panic part and the increased punch count. It was all over in the fifth round, however, just as we had planned - sort of. The way things have been going, Tooloose will be able to try something else in two more weeks.

March 3: Fred "Stilts" Cannon went up against another guy from The Coroner's gym. This week it was Disconnection Syndrome. They both seemed to have the same idea going into the fight, the hugging began right from the opening bell. These two seemed to have a great deal of affection for one another. To be fair, Disconnection did throw over 250 punches in the first five rounds, landing about half of them. Stilts threw about as many as Disconnection landed and he landed about half of those. It was no wonder Disconnection took round six off. We had Cannon down by four points going into the seventh round and were urging him to push the pace. He did as we asked and out produced Syndrome in round seven. The other fighter aslo took round eight off giving that to Fred as well. We were still down by two and both fighters were standing between rounds. Our fighter squeeked out round nine, but The Coroner's guy threw a ton of punches in round ten, taking that one. We were still down by two. Disconnection squeeked out a close round eleven and then got on his bicycle and spent the twelfth round running away. Stilts had to accept a close loss. It's a shame, he really gave it his best.

Tallon vs. John "Black Jack" Pershing: Black Jack is from Top Rank's gym and this guy is about as mean as they come. A quick glance around the current best pound for pound fighters will reveal his name. Tallon knew that this was not going to be an easy week, but he was giving it his best. Tallon is used to being the taller fighter, so he had to deal with Black Jack's two inch advantage. Tallon took to his role as the hugger in this one, while Pershing danced and used the ring. This was also a challenge for our fighter. Black Jack was the busier fighter and the more accurate puncher. He easily took the first six rounds, while making Tallon appear slow and clumbsy. After six rounds, Tallon had bearly broken a sweat, though, and John had taken to sucking hard on the water bottle between rounds. If Tallon was going to make a move, he needed to do it soon. Black Jack took off rounds seven and eight and seemed to get a second wind. He sprang back to life for round nine and dashed Tallon's slim hopes by taking that round. Tallon needed a knock down or a knock out and those were difficult to come by against this guy. Then he seemed to give up. He started dancing around the ring with Pershing as if he had the fight won. He lost rounds ten and twelve and won round eleven only because his opponent was resting. Bronze expressed great dissapointment in Tallon after the fight and told him he had better start winning.

Basasrorytaugh vs. Lumael Lydian: Are you guys wondering who this guy is? We were. His manager is PaladinShield. We didn't know who that was, either, but he hails from the U.S. West. To be honest, we didn't scout this fight too hard. If we had we would have noticed that he didn't have a fight plan. Well, the good news is that Basasrorytaugh finally managed to get a win.

March 5: Bronze Southpaw gets his first fight against someone not named Freddy Adu and it isn't even someone from the Top Rank gym. This opponent comes from The Coroner's gym and calls himself Post Mortem. Mortem works his way inside and attempts to pound away at Bronze's well-skulpted body while his target backpeddls, throwing jabs. Bronze was heard to be giggling, because his target was difficult to miss. In fact, he didn't miss him a all during the first two rounds. Frustrated, Mortem moved in for the clinch and threw a lot more punches. Bronze continued to pepper him with jabs, though not nearly as accurate as before. He still won the next two rounds. Since that didn't work, Post went back to his original plan - he's a two-trick pony. Our manager won rounds five and six only to see post go back to clinching. He still couldn't win a round. Since he was up by seven with only five rounds left, Bronze knew he didn't need to win any more rounds, so he decided just to take it easy and spar with his opponent for the last five rounds. Mortem was winging wild punches in round eight, but manages to win it. He then got excited and moved inside again. Southpaw bloodied his nose and took another round. In round ten, after playing the brawler for nine rounds, Post decides to try and box. He dances around throwing 99 punches. Bronze han't thrown that many in the last three rounds combined. He won the round, and got a chuckle out of Bronze who was still enjoying not having to fight Freddy Adu again. Post continued to dance, throwing 106 punches in round eleven and gassing himself in the process. Mortem won round twelve, too, throwing an incredible 113 punches. Post Mortem put on an incredible show, but still lost a lopsided decision.

Cleopatra vs. HD Clear: This was shaping up to be a strange week. Do to some kind of mix-up with Cleopatra's retirement paperwork, the league hadn't officially retired her and scheduled her with one of ZWIP's fighters, HD Clear. Cleopatra was in no condition to fight. She barely made weight. That kind of thing happens when you think you are retired. Clear came out feinting and faking while Cleopatra backpeddled and threw several jabs. We didn't give the first round to either fighter and chose, instead, to see how the fight continued to unfold. We gave the second round to our fighter by a slight margin. This fight was proving to be quite close. HD changed things up for round three, coming out straight up and throwing bodyblows. Cleopatra chose to up her punch count and easly won round three. Both fighters returned to their original tactics for round four and Clear took the round. Again, they changed it up for round five and Cleopatra took that one. They continued alternating rounds, back and forth until Cleopatra broke the cycle by winning round ten. We had her up by three at that point. She let round eleven get away from her, but we felt she was still up by two. She took round twelve off - just looking to avoid a knock out. We had her winning by one point. One judge gave the fight to her by two points, another saw it in Clear's favor by one and the third saw it as a draw. Cleopatra re- submitted her retirement paperwork. We haven't heard from her since.

Top Rank Terminator vs. BIG NASTY: Bronze has really been getting frustrated with his record against Top Rank fighters. As a result, he went out and bought a robot; programmed to seek out members of Top Rank's gym and beat them to a pulp. It's programming isn't really that good, and it thinks everyone is from Top Rank's gym. We can't even spar with it, because it is just too rough. Well, it's first match was against BIG NASTY from Angee's gym. We had high hopes for this little robot. It talked a mean game in the press. After all the talk in the press, this fight did not live up to its billing. BIG came out standing straight up while the robot worked the clinch. It through a lot of punches, but couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. After winning the first two rounds, NASTY covered up for rounds three through six. The robot continued to swing away, sometimes even making contact, but it was so wild that NASTY actually won those rounds even though he was covering up. In round seven, BIG came out from behind his guard long enough to throw a left that lived up to his name - putting the machine on the mat for the count of five. Again Angee's fighter played peek-a-boo with the robot through rounds eight and nine only to come out in round ten, putting him down with a haymaker for a six-count. After that, he covered up again. Since he was able to win the rounds where he hid, he produced the most lopsided victory we've ever seen - 120 to 106 on all score cards. Bronze says if the robot looks that bad in its next fight, he's gonna junk it.

Bronze Southpaw Jr. vs. Tiny Terror: Young Southpaw has been doing quite well and has been making his dad quite happy. Hopes were high again this week as he took on another opponent from The Coroner's gym. The first round was obviously a feeling out period as each fighter circled and pawed at each other with short - mostly inefective - jabs. Junior seemed the most productive, so we gave the round to him. They continued to circle and jab, though it appeared Terror might be trying to put a little bit on his punches. southpaw continued to be the most productive of the two, easily building a five point lead going into the sixth round. Tiny took rounds six through eight off, giving them to Junior. With his son up by eight, Bronze was telling him that he had to be ready for the knock out attempt. "No Sweat" the kid said. But the attempt never came. Instead, Tiny came out swinging. He threw over fifty punches per round for the last four rounds. Junior did not contest those rounds as he already had the fight in the bag.

Harvey Fierstein vs. Sam Slate: Harvey drew a tough comptetitor from Angee's gym. The guy Stumpy beat last week. The two compaired notes in the week leading up to the fight and the usually nervous Fierstein seemed confident going into the fight. We expected Slate to come out and grapple with Fierstein but instead, he came out, cornered our fighter and put him down with a vicious left to the head. Harvey was definately shaken and Bronze had his hands full trying to calm him down. In round two Slate was looking for a repeat of round one. He tried to corner our man, but Harvey was able to slip him. As a bonus, he was able to win the round, making up for some of the ground lost in the first round. Sam managed to win round three; keeping his lead. But he was starting to show some ware. Harvey took round four and by then Sam was obviously tired. This gave Harv his chance to take round five and evening things up. We won round six and Sam covered up in rounds seven and, giving those to us, too. We had a three point lead going into round nine. Sam managed to win round nine and with a beautiful uppercut, put Harvey down in round ten, thus bringing things even again. Fierstein won round eleven and was now getting tired, but Slate looked exhausted. Fierstein added emphasis to his win with a powerful cross to the jaw, putting Slate down in the final round.

Paul "Stumpy" Buniuns vs. The Final Cut: Stumpy drew our first action against the aclaimed Nachos From Home gym. The Final Cut looked good, but Paul was riding a three fight win streak and was feeling good. Stumpy worked the clinch as per usual while Cut danced around the ring. The latter was really on that night, landing all 25 of his punches and taking the first round. Rond two was the same. So were rounds three through nine. The only significant difference was that Stumpy's left eye had swolen shut by the end of the nineth round. That left him open to the vicious shot to the temple that put him down in round ten and the haymaker that finished him in round eleven.

March 6, 2012 Steve Erkle found himself matched up against Cotton Pussypaws, one of Angee's fighers. It was difficult to determine how Pussypaws was going to come out for this one. Our best guess was to have Erkle come out and take the first seven rounds and then try to protect the lead. It was working through round six, but, by then he was obviously tired. He tried in vein to get one more, but Cotton floored him with a left to the nose in round seven and it was all downhill from there. He went down again in round eight to a right hook and down for good from a left uppercut in round nine.

Jimmy "Little Feller" Jones vs. Concerto V: With the suspension of Conan "The Iranian", Bronze wanted someone else to make a run for the Super-Bantamweight title. Little Feller stepped up and took a title fight with The Coroner's Concerto V right out of the gate. Little Feller danced and used his reach to keep the clinching V at bay for the first six rounds. He was able to take those rounds easily, but was beginning to tire. He slowed things considerably for round seven, but still took that round As long as he didn't get knocked down or get knocked out, he was going to win the title. But we were all aware of what happened to Steve Erkle earlier in the evening. Concerto moved to fighting inside, making it impossible for Jimmy to miss, but he wasn't throwing many punches and lost round eight. He was obviously tired and Concerto was still fairly fresh. We continued to lose rounds nine and ten. Then what we feared came - Concerto came racing across the ring with the all out attack. He caught Little Feller with a left haymaker and sent him down. Somehow he beat the ten count and was on his feet, wobbly, at the count of nine. Out of nowere, he through a cross to V's jaw and put him out. Little Feller became the first fighter from this gym not named Bronze to win a regional title and he did it in decisive fassion.

March 7: Erkinwhine drew a fight with Boston Dynamite from Big Boy, Inc.'s gym. We studied his style and planned accordingly. When the allout came in round nine, Erkinwine was ready, but he just didn't have enough on his punch to get Boston to stay down. Instead, our boy went to sleep.

Teflon Southpaw vs. Ming Ming the Duck Teflon took on another member of Top Rank's boxers tonight. This was a classic dancer/slugger matchup with Teflon plaing the former and Ming Ming the latter. This meant our boy took his traditional place on the outside while his opponent tried to work in for a clich. Due to the lack of production from his opponent Southpaw easily took the first seven rounds. He then covered up allowing The Duck to have the last five rounds.

In the end, our gym posted a record of 9/7/1 (4/3).

Our record for March is a combined 9/7/1(4/3).

Our record for February was 19/14/2 (11/6).

Overall, since coming back to BDB our record is 28/21/3 (15/9).



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See how the Bronze Southpaw gym has done in the week just passed.